It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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