so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
