I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
