pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
