filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize