This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
wakey wakey hands off snakey
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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