If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
