So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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