i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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