I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
