Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
