I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
