They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
