So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I forget how to act sober
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
