4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
