The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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