i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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