At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
