i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
