Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
