there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
