He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
