All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
