walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
