I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
