how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
