Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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