In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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