I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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