dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
