Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
