i barfeds in our rink
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
