Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
