Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
