so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
