He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
did you just send me my own nude
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
