i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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