She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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