Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
