wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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