you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
