North Korea, Best Korea!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it's like iHOP with fire
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
