Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
