If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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