that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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