I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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