U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
