Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
