i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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