It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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