I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
