This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
