Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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