If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
