So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
