Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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