She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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