my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize