Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
