sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
