And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
