she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
