oh god the rape fog is back!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
