remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
