He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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