I faked an abortion last night.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
