Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
