Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
